The Stranger In the Seat Across From You

I'm not sure what made him approach me or even sit in the seat across from me, but I'm so glad he did. The brief conversation that followed kinda hit me upside the head. My eyes are now open a little wider.

I was sitting in the cafe at Whole Foods, waiting for a friend who was working. I had my laptop up and was in my own little world, watching a movie and just not interacting with anyone, when a gentleman approached me. He was older, probably late sixties, with hair white as my porcelain skin. ;) Now as I think back on it, I don't know where he came from, he just appeared seemingly from nowhere. I looked up when he asked me a question and the conversation started on an innocent "What's so entertaining on that laptop?" After asking me about HP and whether I had any Apple products, he sat down in the chair across from me. At first I was thinking, "What are you doing? You're kind of creeping me out. You should leave." Then, a thought occurred to me, "What if this guy was plopped down in front of me for a reason?" With a quick prayer shot heavenward, I let God guide the conversation. In five minutes, we discussed photography as a ministry, the work in Serbia, bad people and people who are "good" but still in need of a Savior, and whether all people need a Savior. At the end of five minutes, he got up, shook my hand, told me it was nice to meet me. As he was walking away I got up quickly and stopped him, introduced myself as Ella and learned his name is Ray. I have absolutely no idea how everything was arranged just so for me to meet Ray today, or what he believes on spiritual matters. I do know that he likes Apple products and for whatever reason, needed to have that specific conversation with me today. I also know that I need to stop being so wrapped up in my own world, but that even when I am, God will plop a stranger in the seat across from me to hear what God wants him to hear. Who's the stranger in the seat across from you? What are you doing about it?

Let My Conviction Match My Passion

This past week has been so filled with God moments.

I got to have breakfast with my parents and unofficial godfather Wednesday morning. At one point, Dave, who is quite blunt and will tell you the truth and nothing but the truth, made the comment, "The damn government can pay me 'cause I sure have paid the damn government." He makes me laugh every time I see him. However, this is a godly man, who gets on his knees daily, and I know for a fact, prays for me daily. When he prayed over us at the end of the meal, it was the simplest prayer that began with "Dear Holy Spirit, help me pray. I prayed for the Purtells this morning..." He asked only one thing for us, but in the end, there was not a dry eye left in the room.

I didn't have many of those still, peaceful moments with God, as the week progressed, but that by no means, stopped God from showing up. I felt like every time I turned around, God was revealing new things to me, whether it was an epiphany that would seem mundane to most everyone else, or if it was a heart attitude that did not belong. (I have this picture in my mind of God holding up two photos and saying "Now Ella, what does not belong?") I found myself thinking about conviction and compromise quite a bit. How many seeds of compromise have I allowed? How many of them have taken root? What do my every day choices, from movies to music to food choices, say about me? I don't want any of it, the crap. My cousin and I were flashed by cops (we weren't doing anything!), using their spotlight and let me tell you, it is a bright light. That's what I want God to do with those seeds; turn His mega light on them. Let my conviction match my passion.

The week of course, was not all seriousness and deep thoughts. :) There were weddings, beautiful brides, fun family moments and new friends. I watched a childhood friend marry Monday night and definitely came close to tears. I got to help my cousin prepare for her wedding and then watch her walk down the aisle to her adoring (now) husband. Definitely some tears of joy there. I got to hang out with cousins I rarely see and joke around about silly things. I met new people with whom I had an absolute blast! I bowled a 64 this week (no judgement!) and got hit by a pool ball. No damage though, I assure you. I think this week will be one of those weeks that will stay with me for a long time to come. Many sweet memories were made and crazy times were had.

There will be new photos soon. I'm also working on a photography website... hopefull that will be up in the next 3 weeks or so. Thanks for reading my rambles. :)

"Words. They Fail Me."

So many words. So very many stories. So many good things to share. And yet, I don't know quite what to say. I feel as though that is how I always begin my blogs, with a lack and overabundance of words. It makes me think of my dear friend Jody, who always says, "Words. They fail me." I never understand that saying, so much as I do when I begin a blog.

I suppose I should begin with one of the most exciting things and that is, I have my camera! A couple of weeks ago, my little sister Tabitha came for a visit and the very first day of her time here, we made a family trip down to Sears and I handed over quite a chunk of cash to a very happy salesman and walked out with the camera I've been dreaming about for MONTHS. Tabitha and I immediately set to work, practicing with the camera and capturing the marvelous addition on film, so to speak. One such photo is the one here, of me and Chuck, my new love. There is only one "man" for me currently. We are quite close, he and I. Tomorrow, I'm taking my two oldest nieces down to East Lansing and they are going to be my models. I'm rather excited!

This summer has been full and will continue to be so. It's been work and visits, right and left. My sainted boss has quite marvelously put up with these trips I have (mostly for family things) and I'm so blessed in that. This summer has seen me in Virginia, my little sister here and will see me in Idaho and Kansas City.



These are all from the trip to Virginia with mom, my sister and the kiddos. :)















In the last month or so, I've found myself struggling. Coming home from such a spiritual high is hard enough, but coming home to very few friends and no church home, just proliferated things. I know with my head, why it is I came back to the states and back here specifically, however, that doesn't always stop the struggle. I've had moments of feeling useless and alone. But God has spoken quite clearly, that even if nothing is "accomplished" here in this time, by my obedience, I have made Him happy, which is all that I need. Hey, I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm learning. ;)

I did not intend for this to be such a book, but I guess that's what happens when I neglect to post for such a long time. Let me leave you with a thought that's been brewing in my head for the last couple of days. Humbleness is not an overinflated ego, but neither is it a lower than dirt self-concept. Humbleness is knowing who you truly are and accepting that, flaws, as well as good. It is seeing you as God sees you. :)

All The Little Things

Saturday, I was in Horrock's, a local farm to market store that I absolutely adore. I had just finish telling my Mom, "I would really like a guy to give me flowers. I don't necessarily want a guy in my life right this moment, but I still want a man to give me flowers." This was incited by all the beautiful roses and freesia and such around me. We laughed and then headed over to the check out counter. After paying for our wonderful goodies (say hello to a fridge full of fruit and veg!), we headed out the door. At the door, there was an older gentleman, probably in his late 70s with a grocery cart full of roses sitting next to him. As we walked by, he handed us both a rose and gave us a "Good day!" and a big smile. It amazes me how God takes care of even the "little things". He saw my heart's desire, knew the joy a simple rose would bring and bestowed it upon me through a kindly gentleman. A man to give me flowers. :)

I bought a devotional recently and all the entries center on contentment and learning how to be content. Within the first few entries, I already feel like I've grown quite a bit. I've learned that trust is what leads to contentment, also that contentment is not what you have to have if you can't have happiness. That probably was my biggest revelation. I can even be happy in the rough, dark times, not just take the consolation prize of "contentment". So in the past week, my awareness of the little things God gives me has heightened and thus my joy has increased. There's a situation that a lot of stress has been put upon me, but when I started looking specifically for God's gifts, my attitude increased and while the stress remains the same, I'm okay. It blows my mind the way He sets these things up. The details that have gone into it! Like the other day... Just recently two new stores were added to our area at work and I called for updates to the other stores. I ended up talking to a guy who crazily enough had worked at a ministry I'm familiar with and actually knows my best friend's big sister. It ended up being a really refreshing conversation, that I didn't even realize how much I needed, until I was in it. The crazy thing was, during that time, no customers came into either store, as well as his store was brand new to our area and he's got a brand new job, so he won't be there much longer. The chances are of us "running" into each other like that? Extraordinary! But not to a God who loves me. :)

Failure Is Not An Option

I began working out in earnest 3 weeks ago. It's been a challenge and yet such a good thing, because the workouts are scheduled for me. I don't have to think about it, but it also means I can't flake out. I'm noticing a difference in my body. Something the trainer said in a couple of the workouts really stuck with me and that is "Failure is not an option." I think I've always viewed getting healthy and other important areas in my life as though failure were an option and not a completely horrible option at that. But I have a new motto. :) I'm getting ready to finish my first round of a program called Body Gospel, then I'm going to start P90X, which is a pretty popular program and has seen lots of results. I'm really excited about that!

Well, the point of my blog has never been to be completely deep introspective posts that sometimes verge on the dark. As it seems that's all I've been posting for the past month, it's definitely time for a look on the bright side!


The other night, my niece stayed over and we did all sorts of girly stuff. We went and got "coffee", rented movies and bought snacks. Then we came home and watched said movie, ate said snacks, painted our nails and put our hair up in curlers. Can I just tell you that I absolutely love being an Auntie? It's all of the fun. As I don't want children for multiple years (not to mention the whole being married thing, lol), this is definitely the best "fix" in the world. I'm a fan. :)

I finally managed to get the last of my DTS photos onto my computer. Soon I will finish editing and then I will put some of my favorites here. :)

Pesky Sand Between My Toes

Today, my Mom and I went on an adventure. We've done these all throughout my life and I have various friends that I've had such adventures with. Getting stuck in Oxford, in a snow storm, with Romy. A backwoods, late night escapade with Savannah and Hannah. Hightailing it from Blakewell to Sheffield with Becca, Angelica and Andrea. Those are just a few of my grand exploits. I've always thought of those friends and my Mum as people I have adventures with and that I only have adventures with them. Then I realized, that I am the common denominator in all the equations. I bring some of my own adventure into the mix. That makes me smile. :)



We set out originally to find the outlet mall near the Island, only we ended up 70 miles away, in another state, at a beach. Before you ask, yes, it was on purpose. We drove around one such outlet mall and saw nothing that interested us and thought to find another further up the road. As we were driving, we saw signs that the beach was only 60 miles on and said, "Why not?" So we headed into Delaware (a new state for me to add to my list!) and towards Rehoboth Beach. On the way, we cranked our roadtrip music, sang at the top of our lungs and laughed about silly things. About half way there, I noticed a Sonic and we nearly swerved getting there. Our first Sonic in 8 months, since we don't have one in Michigan. Oh how I've missed Happy Hour and my Low-Cal Cherry Limeade. After we were fully stocked up on the delightful nectar and a quick bite, we hit the road again. We had turned off the GPS and were just following a map. Like old times. So much more fun! When we got to the beach, we piled out, cameras and dog in tow. I've never seen a puppy so excited about sand and surf! She would nearly take off flying at the end of her leash in an effort to get there faster. After walking the beach for a little bit, we headed back to a Coldstone we'd seen on the boardwalk of Rehoboth. We enjoyed a cold treat, then it was time to head back home. We hightailed it home, as we had an appointment this evening, that we hadn't realized. It was a grand day.



Even though I didn't take my shoes off on the beach (I wanted to though!), I still managed to end up with shoes full of sand and sand in my socks, between my toes. Sand is all well and magical on the beach, but when you're driving home, an hour later and it's still there, well, it's just plain annoying. It's like these things that are still bothering me. Things I hoped would just go away with time. Thoughts, memories, etc that just keeping nagging at me. I guess, I thought at the year point, when I had hit that magical number of days after the relationship was broken off, that everything would fall off, it would all go away and I would walk away fully healed, barely any scars. Let me tell you, no such magic exists. 13 months later, I'm still dealing with things. I thought, after DTS, everything would be ever so much better. I'd come home full of life and ready for the next step. Try again. I'm realizing that the battle with my old enemies, whether from the relationship, or previous long-held foes, really began in earnest in my school. I have thought to myself, "What is wrong with me? Why is all this still bothering me?" I realize today that there are some things that need to be removed from my life, but that I nothing is wrong with me. It is all in the healing process. It is all in the working through of what God did in 5 months, as well as the next phase of my life. So even though I've had pesky sand between my toes, I will removed the grains that I can and excuse the mixed-metaphor, allow the remaining grains to make a pearl in this oyster.

The Great Clash

...Between Oppression, Depression, Darkness and The Light.

Today, the sun has peaked out from behind the clouds. The prison door, that was not locked, is being pushed open. I'm squinting against the light.

Ella has been an important name in my life in the past few years. Especially in the last year. You see, it had been a name that someone in my life had used especially for me, so when my heart was broken by that person, I thought I'd never again be called by that nick name. However, when I applied for my DTS, I specifically heard God say to use that as my preferred name, that He wanted to redeem that name. Over the course of those 5 months, I came to LOVE that name again and God used it to speak into my life. There's a popular song that says "Umbrella Ella Ella, ay ay" and those in my DTS lovingly called me by this. A speaker, who didn't know me or this, prayed over me and spoke that I would be standing in the rain, giving out umbrellas to those who didn't have any. I'm not sure exactly what those umbrellas look like, but I'm excited to hand them out! It was also spoken over me, that I had a fire burning in my belly, that I had to share with others. Today, I decided to look up the meaning of Ella. I'm kind of surprised I didn't do that before, as I love name meanings, but somehow, I got to here without doing it. What I found surprised me and touched me. The name Ella means: "Entirely Other, Light, Beautiful Faerie, One From Heaven, Torch."

All of this means so much to me, though I struggle to express it in words. I'm not entirely sure what or where God is calling. I have this vague notion of a Counseling program in Colorado Springs and sometime in my life, going home to Ireland. This journey has had a lot of twists and turns and sudden halts.

In the title, I eluded to a struggle I've had with depression and darkness and allowing the Enemy to oppress me. For the first three weeks of being home, I never mourned that DTS was over, I never cried, I didn't feel the sharp pangs. I was numb. And then, I was in a dark fog. It wasn't until the beginning of this week that it all broke loose. And boy did it. I got angry, I was sad, I cried and then I cried some more. Today, I realized that I was in something of a depression. It scares me how easily I fell into it without even realizing it. That's something that needs to change. But today? I felt the sun on my face and even though a chill breeze blew, I didn't grow numb. I'm not going to allow myself to feel lost, without purpose or to feel that God has put me on the back burner. No, I've been put in a green house and though it doesn't feel like much is happening, this rose is growing and being tended to by the most Loving Hands.

So the Great Clash continues, but it's amazing how much better you can fight when you know the fight is actually going on.