Pesky Sand Between My Toes

Today, my Mom and I went on an adventure. We've done these all throughout my life and I have various friends that I've had such adventures with. Getting stuck in Oxford, in a snow storm, with Romy. A backwoods, late night escapade with Savannah and Hannah. Hightailing it from Blakewell to Sheffield with Becca, Angelica and Andrea. Those are just a few of my grand exploits. I've always thought of those friends and my Mum as people I have adventures with and that I only have adventures with them. Then I realized, that I am the common denominator in all the equations. I bring some of my own adventure into the mix. That makes me smile. :)



We set out originally to find the outlet mall near the Island, only we ended up 70 miles away, in another state, at a beach. Before you ask, yes, it was on purpose. We drove around one such outlet mall and saw nothing that interested us and thought to find another further up the road. As we were driving, we saw signs that the beach was only 60 miles on and said, "Why not?" So we headed into Delaware (a new state for me to add to my list!) and towards Rehoboth Beach. On the way, we cranked our roadtrip music, sang at the top of our lungs and laughed about silly things. About half way there, I noticed a Sonic and we nearly swerved getting there. Our first Sonic in 8 months, since we don't have one in Michigan. Oh how I've missed Happy Hour and my Low-Cal Cherry Limeade. After we were fully stocked up on the delightful nectar and a quick bite, we hit the road again. We had turned off the GPS and were just following a map. Like old times. So much more fun! When we got to the beach, we piled out, cameras and dog in tow. I've never seen a puppy so excited about sand and surf! She would nearly take off flying at the end of her leash in an effort to get there faster. After walking the beach for a little bit, we headed back to a Coldstone we'd seen on the boardwalk of Rehoboth. We enjoyed a cold treat, then it was time to head back home. We hightailed it home, as we had an appointment this evening, that we hadn't realized. It was a grand day.



Even though I didn't take my shoes off on the beach (I wanted to though!), I still managed to end up with shoes full of sand and sand in my socks, between my toes. Sand is all well and magical on the beach, but when you're driving home, an hour later and it's still there, well, it's just plain annoying. It's like these things that are still bothering me. Things I hoped would just go away with time. Thoughts, memories, etc that just keeping nagging at me. I guess, I thought at the year point, when I had hit that magical number of days after the relationship was broken off, that everything would fall off, it would all go away and I would walk away fully healed, barely any scars. Let me tell you, no such magic exists. 13 months later, I'm still dealing with things. I thought, after DTS, everything would be ever so much better. I'd come home full of life and ready for the next step. Try again. I'm realizing that the battle with my old enemies, whether from the relationship, or previous long-held foes, really began in earnest in my school. I have thought to myself, "What is wrong with me? Why is all this still bothering me?" I realize today that there are some things that need to be removed from my life, but that I nothing is wrong with me. It is all in the healing process. It is all in the working through of what God did in 5 months, as well as the next phase of my life. So even though I've had pesky sand between my toes, I will removed the grains that I can and excuse the mixed-metaphor, allow the remaining grains to make a pearl in this oyster.

The Great Clash

...Between Oppression, Depression, Darkness and The Light.

Today, the sun has peaked out from behind the clouds. The prison door, that was not locked, is being pushed open. I'm squinting against the light.

Ella has been an important name in my life in the past few years. Especially in the last year. You see, it had been a name that someone in my life had used especially for me, so when my heart was broken by that person, I thought I'd never again be called by that nick name. However, when I applied for my DTS, I specifically heard God say to use that as my preferred name, that He wanted to redeem that name. Over the course of those 5 months, I came to LOVE that name again and God used it to speak into my life. There's a popular song that says "Umbrella Ella Ella, ay ay" and those in my DTS lovingly called me by this. A speaker, who didn't know me or this, prayed over me and spoke that I would be standing in the rain, giving out umbrellas to those who didn't have any. I'm not sure exactly what those umbrellas look like, but I'm excited to hand them out! It was also spoken over me, that I had a fire burning in my belly, that I had to share with others. Today, I decided to look up the meaning of Ella. I'm kind of surprised I didn't do that before, as I love name meanings, but somehow, I got to here without doing it. What I found surprised me and touched me. The name Ella means: "Entirely Other, Light, Beautiful Faerie, One From Heaven, Torch."

All of this means so much to me, though I struggle to express it in words. I'm not entirely sure what or where God is calling. I have this vague notion of a Counseling program in Colorado Springs and sometime in my life, going home to Ireland. This journey has had a lot of twists and turns and sudden halts.

In the title, I eluded to a struggle I've had with depression and darkness and allowing the Enemy to oppress me. For the first three weeks of being home, I never mourned that DTS was over, I never cried, I didn't feel the sharp pangs. I was numb. And then, I was in a dark fog. It wasn't until the beginning of this week that it all broke loose. And boy did it. I got angry, I was sad, I cried and then I cried some more. Today, I realized that I was in something of a depression. It scares me how easily I fell into it without even realizing it. That's something that needs to change. But today? I felt the sun on my face and even though a chill breeze blew, I didn't grow numb. I'm not going to allow myself to feel lost, without purpose or to feel that God has put me on the back burner. No, I've been put in a green house and though it doesn't feel like much is happening, this rose is growing and being tended to by the most Loving Hands.

So the Great Clash continues, but it's amazing how much better you can fight when you know the fight is actually going on.

A Time For Goodbyes

This week has been intense, both busy and then with my emotions. We were in nearly as many churches as the days we were in Rotherham. I love all the children's work and drama and everything we've been able to do while we were there. This week has also been interesting for me emotionally, as I've been struggling a lot with leaving my YWAM family. I know that I know that I know that I'm doing exactly what God wants for me in coming back to Lansing, in not doing the BLS. But goodbyes are so hard. I hate the tearing that comes and comes fairly often in my life. I am doing somewhat better, though it will still be incredibly hard.

We arrived back in London this evening to great bear hugs and squeals of delight. It's been absolutely fantastic to see everyone. After an hour or so of loud greetings, food, talking over each other and general craziness, I walked home with the guys to All Souls. Walking home with my big brothers was just what I needed and the Sam's chicken didn't hurt either! :) Then more crazy greetings, though not as loud. And then we all settled in to watch a movie and spend some quality time together. :-P Let me tell you this: I love my YWAM family. :)

Story Time With Ella

I had devotional for yesterday, the 14th, Valentine's day. I prepared especially for that day. I wasn't able to do my devotional yesterday, but went ahead and did it on today. I think the story is applicable to every day life and unfortunately, in the secularized world that we live in, you most likely won't hear it. However, if you'll sit back in your computer chair or couch, I will tell it to you now. Just enjoy the story.

This story takes place a long, long time ago, in the year 270 A.D. in Rome. Claudius was emporer at the time. Now, Claudius was a wee bit crazy, okay, very crazy. He wanted to be god and the only god that the people worshipped. Thusly, he was very jealous of any other god. He outlawed Christianity and persecuted Christians who would not renounce their faith. It was a very rough time in our history.

About that same time, Claudius wanted to send men to battle. Men were refusing to go to battle though, as they didn't want to leave their families. So Claudius came up with an idea. He thought if men were no longer getting married, then they would be more willing to go to battle. So he outlawed marriage as well. Anyone caught getting married was sent to prison.

During this time, there was a devout Christian, a bishop in fact and his name was Valentine. He thought that people should be free to love God and to love each other. So he did not turn from his faith and in fact, invited couples to come to him and he would marry them in secret. Soon, Claudius found out and had Valentine arrested. During a period of time, Claudius got to know Valentine, I'm guessing through the trials, and discovered what a devout, passionate man he was. Claudius tried to convince Valentine to renounce his faith, saying if Valetine would do so, he would forgive Valentine and make him an allie. Of course, Valentine refused, so Claudius sentenced him to a 3-part death: beating, stoning and decapitation.

During Valentine's wait for his execution, he met the jailor's daughter, Asterius, who was blind. He fell in love with her, but sadly, it wasn't meant to be on this earth. But, a miracle did occur before Valentine's death. Miraculously, Asterius' sight was restored and she was able to see Valentine's face.

Before Valentine's execution, he wrote Asterius a final note, signing it "From Your Valentine". This is where we get the phrase. Valentine died on Feb. 14th 270 A.D. He died for love, love of God and love of others.

We should not forget those who have gone on before us, those who have set an example. We have to learn from their mistakes, as well as the glory brought to God. My question to you now is, not will you be mine, but will you be a Valentine?

Update: Goodbye to Serbia, Hello to Rotherham

We're now in Rotherham, England, near Sheffield. We're sleeping in the basement of a church and keeping very busy during the day. We're getting to do everything from working with the homeless, to hanging out with the older generation, to working with kids and youth. It's been so good! We've done so many dramas already, which I love, and we're preparing new ones and coming up with skits for kids.

Towards the end of Serbia, it just kept getting better and better. We made so many new friends. We were all really sad to say goodbye to them. We had several nights that we taught salsa, which was such a success! My photos, as well as Vanesa and Tara's photos, were displayed in a cafe and a the local teahouse. The band played several more times, adding new songs and each time sounding better than before. It was such a good time.

Now in Rotherham, we find ourselves in a very different type of outreach, more centered around church and coming alongside those working to unify the church. RPC, the church we're staying at, has graciously handed over Sunday evening services to us. They're aimed at the unsaved, so it typically involves a drama, a testimony and a message. I gave the message this past Sunday. It was such a growing experience for me! I just absolutely had to hand it over to God. I couldn't do it in my own strength. It went well. I didn't throw up or fall to pieces. :) Now I'm supposed to give a short talk to children tomorrow night about David and Goliath, as well as give a testimony to youth. God is definitely growing me.

At first, it was hard to say goodbye to Serbia, to throw myself into the work here. I wanted to be back in Serbia, doing the work there. But a line from somewhere kept floating through my head. I believe it was John Elliot who said something about wherever you may be, be all there. So here I am. Stretching out of my comfort zone. :)

Well, dinner is nearly ready and after that is Ladies Night at RPC. Facials, nails, chocolate, etc! :)

Nescafe, Epic Music and Photos

I'm sitting in the hotel here in Bela Zemlja, using a friend's iPod touch to connect to the wifi. The last couple of weeks have been so good. There have definitely been some tough spiritual battles, but we are victorious thru Christ. I'm not sure exactly what's going on behind the scenes so to speak, but I KNOW the enemy is not happy. Last night for instance, I woke myself up twice doing spiritual warefare, literally battling demons. And at one point I walked through the living room and saw a demon watching the house. It's been intense. Haha.

The work at the orphanage has come under attack and currently we are not able to work in with the kids. It's been really tough. Especially for the base directors and the staff here.

The band has had several gigs and they're doing awesome! This weekend we're having a photography exhibition at the teahouse. I'm super excited! Tara, Ben, Vanesa and I have been running around taking photos and editing. I love it so much! I really want to look at getting a better camera when I get back to the states. I think it's something God can use in my life. He's been speaking thru photos I've taken. To me personally anyway. I've also been writing more and He's used that. I'm so excited about all that He's doing in Serbia!

Uzice

We arrived safely on Saturday EARLY in the morning. I didn't get to sleep until 5:30am. :) The first 3 days we handed out SO many Operation Christmas Child Shoeboxes! :) It's like completing a circle that I began in the States. We've done a Christmas drama 5 times and sung carols for kids. I've learned 5 new songs in sign language. :) We've also worked with kids at the local orphanage, doing games and art. Last night the kids "practiced" facepainting on us... with some interesting results! I had a lovely Christmas tree on my face. :) The suggestion in the group was that I should leave it on and go to the pub for the band's first gig, like that. I vetoed that idea. :) Today I went with a group to paint with a group of young adults from a day center. There were four with us today with varying degrees of disabilities. It was really good. :)

The spiritual atmosphere of Uzice is very heavy. Our whole team is feeling it. For myself, every day between 3 and 4, it's like I'm getting a download of what is going on in the spiritual realm. At first, I had no idea what the heck was going on and it was really frustrating, but now I'm aware and ready to go on the offensive.

Well, I need to head back to the house to cook dinner. Thank you guys so much for all your support. I miss you all so much!