Questions in Need of Answers

On my last blog, I had a comment from Anonymous that asked some questions. I'm replying in a blog because they're good questions. :)

The comment was: "It sounds incredibly wonderful and romantic(not in the man/woman way) and historical and interesting that you are actually there. Does it feel that way to you? Do you feel like you are living a dream?" My answer is as follows:

There are definitely days where it feels like that. There are days that I feel as though I'm living on Cloud Nine and oh my! Another wonderful thing happened! However, not every day is like that. God is good to me every day, but being in my DTS is still hard and He's still working hard things into me. It seems like every day, I discover a new thing in myself that needs work and have to submit it to His Master Hands. I have discovered that I am far more selfish and prideful and and and that I ever thought before. However, I have also discovered His amazing goodness and just how MUCH He loves me and then wants me to love myself! There are hard lessons and most of the time, I'm not happy about those lessons, but it's good. There is definitely reality in my daily life, but there are also moments that feel as though I'm dreaming. :)

Today, for an example, was a mix of harsh reality and a dream. I found out that my Grandmother, on my Dad's side, passed away yesterday. I also found out that there's some concern for my Dad and his prostrate. In the same 5 minutes. I definitely struggled this morning, it was not the best morning. But in the midst of a rough morning, I got to experience community at it's best. There were so many offers of help and people doing things for me, but the best part was all the hugs. I got some of the best hugs of my life this morning! And oh, the prayer. That was amazing. The Arts House prayed over me before we left for intercession, then at the other house, they stopped in the middle of debrief to pray for me and my dear friend Amy, who has also recently suffered a loss. As they banded around us and the love was poured forth, I felt the arms of God wrapped around me.

And then, God met me, as though in a dream. I decided to come back to my house after class and on the way, I was really just pouring out my heart to God, with many tears. I'm sure people in Harlesden thought I was crazy. :) I was completely focused on that and walking, not paying a lick of attention to my surroundings, when I "just happened" to look up and there on the fence "just happened" to be a scarf. Let me give you some background: When we were in Montreal, God gave me a scarf... on the street... "randomly". So there's this scarf, on the fence, with absolutely no one around. I stood there for a couple of minutes, watching and then when no one came to claim it, knew that it was a kiss from God and He was sending me comfort. And it occurs to me now... comfort by way of something warm, something to wrap me up in. He's an awesome God. :)

Let me leave you with my favorite memory of Grandma Ramath: When I was about 12, we went to see her and I felt very special, because I got to stay in her guest bedroom all by myself. That visit, she lent me a book to read that I loved. That is also the visit when I learned to love Grapefruit Juice. Before my parents would come in from the motor home in the mornings, she would be preparing breakfast and would give me a glass and we would chat, usually about books we'd read. So in memory of my Grandma, I raise my glass of grapefruit juice (as soon as I go buy some at the Corner store) and say, "See you at Home. I love you."