That Time Of Year

Christmas was definitely a new experience this year. My first year without my family passed by without a mental breakdown, on my part or theirs. Haha. Instead of a traditional Christmas with my biological family, I spent the holiday in London with some of my YWAM family. We celebrated Christmas Eve with a massive dinner and games and presents at midnight. Christmas day was very laid-back with many naps and lots of movies. It was very enjoyable. Then Boxing day, Romy and I ventured out to Oxford Streets, braved the crowds and shopped! We managed to find some good deals and the day was probably just as crazy as a day-after-thanksgiving shopping. Getting home was rather interesting as the tube was down due to strike. Romy and I spent 2 hours trying to get home. Finally, we made it onto the Bakerloo line, which was back up and running again. Arriving home that night was so good.

This week is jammed-pack with outreach preparation. We've spent yesterday and today, at the church. The Romania team is practicing dramas, while my team (Serbia!) is practicing music. While we're in Uzice, we'll be playing in a cafe twice a week every week. We won't be playing Christian songs, but we'll be letting the Serbian people see we're Christians and what Christianity is about, that it's not the orthodox religion they're used to. We've also been preparing various workshops and doing research on the Serbian people. I've found out that 85% of the people at Serbian Orthodox: "To be a Serb is to be Orthodox." Only 2% of the population in Uzice claim to be Evangelical Christians! That's about 1,100 people that know Jesus as savior and have a personal relationship with Him. In a city full of people! It's so crazy to me. In a city of 55,000-60,000 people, there are only two church buildings. The website I found said they couldn't find a single group of New Testament believers who meet together. This is insane to me, coming from the States, where, in any city, big or small, you open up a phone book and there's an entire list of churches. We live in this society where we "shop" for a church and in Serbia, this is not the case at all. It really excites me that God is going to use us in this country! I'm also rather excited for the Turkish coffee. hehe.

Well, my lunch break is nearly over. Please be praying for both the Serbia and Romania teams. Specific prayer needs are:

-The countries we're going to
-Some funds that still need to come in
-Preparation (dramas and such for the Romania team. Music, photography, English lessons, kids crafts, a signing for worship class, facepainting and a carol service at a local orphanage)
-Unity
-Endurance
-Joy

Your prayers are vital to this. Join us in impacting these two countries!

Outreach Has BEGUN!

I should be working on stuff for my oral exam tomorrow, but my brain needs a break from the notes. Or en excuse to put it off a little longer. :-)

Last Friday marked the end of our Lecture phase, though we still have an oral exam tomorrow. Monday, we began preparation for outreach! We also found out a little more of what we'll be doing in Serbia. We'll be helping in practical means, but we'll also be doing some things that are a little more out of the norm. I'm so excited! We'll be working a lot with youth and doing stuff aimed towards them. We'll be forming a band and performing in cafes, as well as doing worship. We'll also be putting on a photography exhibition of some sort. Even some of my photos are going to be used!! I'm so excited about that! And totally shocked. We have some amazing photographers on our team, so I feel really privileged to even be suggested for that. So the next two weeks will be full of drama practice, music practice and other sorts of preparation. Serbia is going to be very cold, so my main preparation is to buy an arctic sleeping bag and some good thermals. :)

Back to the drudge.... lol.

The Oxford Adventure

Yesterday morning, my friend Romy and I got up earlier than normal on a typical Saturday and set out. Our plan was a day trip to Oxford city, to visit some famous sights and enjoy each other's company. The day didn't go exactly as we'd planned, but we made the most of it and ended up having an incredibly time!

Not ten minutes after our bus had left London, snow began coming down heavily. I was a little concerned, because of my background with snow, but for the first time in my life, I wasn't panicked or stressed in the face of failed plans. It goes to show just how much work God has done in my life. It soon became apparent that the day wasn't going to go as planned. We crawled along at a snail's pace, watching lesser vehicles slide around on the snow, get stuck and the many accidents. I was so grateful for our quite capable driver. The journey should have taken an hour and a half, but ended up taking five and a half hours. Several hours into it, the driver announced that all buses had been canceled, which meant our ride home was now out of the question. When we arrived in Oxford, it was over an hour after our ride home should have left and it was dark. We found out that the bus services were still not running and trains were incredibly iffy. We decided to find something to eat and contemplate our options.

We found The Eagle and Child, a pub that my favorite author, C.S. Lewis frequented in his life and settled in at a booth in the very room he had spent so many hours. We ordered food and talked about the day thus far. Let me mention now that I had the best pie I've ever had at this pub. It was mushroom and chicken with puff pastry on top. So incredibly good. I thought about my sister, because it was something she would have enjoyed as well. I have a friend, who's moving to Oxford in two weeks, so Romy and I were talking about how Jody would be in this very place in only a few weeks. Suddenly the idea dawned to write a note and leave it here for Jody. I joked, "If only I had some cello tape." And what do you know, but Romy just happened to have some. Hopefully that hidden note will stay there until Jody comes to retrieve it. :)

After dinner, we headed back to Gloucester Green, to find out further information about buses and possible lodging. God was good and a man directed us to the last available (and affordable!) room in Oxford. We stopped off at one hotel to ask directions and found out that their last room was for for 198 pounds, which is equal to about 300 dollars! We got to the Rewley House and got a room. Our room was nice and the two things that excited me most was the bathtub and the tv! After a warming soak, Romy and I watched a movie on tv and then headed to bed.

This morning, we got up and headed to the train station. The buses were up and running again, but we decided that the train was a more reliable mode of transportation. After purchasing tickets on the next train leaving, we trudged through the snow to Oxford Castle to have breakfast.






We enjoyed a lovely cup o' tea and biscuit, as well as lovely conversation and a good thawing out of our extremities. As we were leaving, the proprietors asked if we would like a tour of the castle. Knowing that we still had a long wait til our train, we jumped at the opportunity. I love history! We had an exclusive tour as it was just Romy, myself and the tour guide. From the top of the tour, we could see all of Oxford and what a wonderful sight!

When we arrived back at the train station, we found out our train had been canceled and we had to wait another hour. We made it on the next train and with little hassle made it home at a quarter to four, twenty-three hours and thirty-five minutes AFTER we were supposed to head home. But it was such a Grand Adventure!! I commented to Romy this morning that it felt as though we were in some Christmas story, in a lovely little village that was warm and welcoming. It was a good weekend. :)

Birthing Pangs

I feel as one being born. It's a long birthing process. I feel the pangs of contractions. New ideas are forming. New revelations are coming to light. And I feel like it's just the beginning.

I've begun to feel like I'm just now starting to really live as a follower of Christ. Like before, I was only paying lip service, but now, my faith reaches farther than just the exterior. I don't know how to explain that feeling. It's one of the best feelings I've experienced, but also one of the hardest feelings. Nothing good comes easily, I suppose. I've had this saying for a long time, that if you're comfortable, something must be wrong. Now, I'm truly living that saying.

Deliverance week was so good. My eyes were opened to so many of the tendencies and deceptions I have in my life. And now, it's almost like this week is Freedom Week. Freedom from all my preconceived ideas of the Gospel and what church really is and while it's close to my previous view, it's vastly different. Think outside the box. Don't go with the flow, with everyone else, swim upstream, towards the Lifeforce! It's a heck of a lot harder and tiring, but it's the only way. You'll be hitting 500 other people going with the flow and they'll assume you're wrong and there'll be great pressure, but do it. Those that we hold in great esteem in Christiandom, went through a heck of a lot. Martin Luther had essentially 3 "hits" put on his life within 6 months. One of the Wesley brothers was thrown out of a church, beaten and told never to return. Those are just a couple of examples. Get uncomfortable.

Drum Roll Please...

We have an official destination for our outreach portion of the DTS!! And the winner is.....




SERBIA!!!!!!














This is Uzice, the city where we will be staying!











Uzice at night!






It looks like a beautiful country and a beautiful people. I realize that the outreach is more about the lovely scenery and I'm super excited to see more of the Father's revealed heart for the people of Serbia. I'm getting so excited for this portion of my DTS! We'll be in Serbia for 3 weeks, helping in whatever way we can, specifically with a new ministry. Then we'll head back to the U.K. for the last portion of our outreach, possibly to Wales.

PRAYER NEEDS:
-Fundraising to raise the needed amount for all of us to go on outreach.
-Communication
-Confirmation of all that God has for us.
-The last few weeks of Lecture Phase. We're all dragging a bit and this is a tough week. It's Deliverance week.

Thank you so much! I praise God every day for you!

Christmas In The Air

It's here. The Christmas season has begun. I can just feel the tingle in the air. The lights are a little brighter, the joy a little more potent and the air is crisper. I'm so excited that it's here!

This week, my friend Romy and I went down to Regent Street and Oxford Street to see the Christmas lights. They were fantastic! They're Narnia themed, which is right up my alley as most of you probably know. :) It was magical. Romy and I shared many laughs and had some really good conversations. We also got to experience Primark for the first time. Oh my. I could spend hours and so many pounds (which equals 1.5 dollars!) in that store! So many cool things and decent prices!

On Friday, I was on a crew that headed down to the church and decorated for Christmas. It was an answer to a silly prayer. Just shows how much He loves us, to answer our silly prayers, that mean a lot to us. At home, it's always me who makes us decorate and is kind of in charge of the Christmas spirit. Being here and so far away from home, I didn't think I was going to be able to decorate for Christmas, but God gave me opportunity. I will say one thing though... real Holly hurts like heck. :)

Tomorrow starts our 10th week of DTS. It's going by so quickly. Thank you SO much for all your support and prayers! I can't thank you ENOUGH!

Thanksgiving All Around

This week marks the beginning of the holidays. This is my first set of holidays away from my family and that, let me tell you, is a weird feeling. On Thursday, while my family was celebrating Thanksgiving, back in the states, it was a pretty normal day here. A very busy normal day, for which I was incredibly thankful. The morning was probably the toughest for me, because while my mind was busy in class, my body wasn't.

Then evangelism came. Thursday was also The International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women and we had some big plans for Harlesden. We hit the streets about 2:30. We were armed with an ipod speaker, a microphone, pamphlets and surveys. We set up shop in the center of Harlesden, our main location being the square. There were stations on each of the three main corners with people ready to ask the hard questions on the survey, as well as our BLS guys and gal on stilts to get people's attention. In the middle of the square, we set up the speakers and the microphone and let our message pulse through the community. Some of my loved ones gave incredible talks and testimonies. People stood ready to ask questions and give out pamphlets. There were prayer request boxes and willing ears. I got to be in the middle of all this with one of the coolest jobs. I was a living statue. Before leaving the house, makeup had been applied and a plan discussed. In the square, people saw the progression of abuse and redemption: a woman in the middle of being hit, a woman falling to the ground, a woman in pain, hopeless on the ground and then the best, a representation of Jesus pulling a woman out of the abuse. I got to portray the woman on the ground, in pain and hopeless. It impacted me so much, I can only pray that those images stay with people and impact them as well. I had my eyes closed, so I couldn't see the reactions of people, but I could hear them. One child's reaction was to say that it was scary. Abuse is scary. As conversations sifted around me, I prayed and contemplated the intense, internal hurt that abuse causes. It made things real for me. I really hope to be able to do this sort of evangelism again.

Today, is our base's Thanksgiving. Our Love Feast is Thanksgiving themed, so there will be turkey and all the trimmings. Though, I'm not sure it will taste exactly like the States. Take for example, my Green Bean Casserole, which is currently cooking. Somehow, I'm having to make do without French's Fried Onions and mushroom soup that's not condensed. But I'm so thankful that we're even getting this opportunity. While Thanksgiving food has been a large part of the celebration, the main point of the holiday is Thanks. I'm so thankful today. I have an incredible family in the States and a family in London that has surrounded me, loved me and protected me. I have a warm home and laughter daily. I have a heart that's healing. I have a God who is SO good and love's me with this absolutely crazy, wonderful, unconditional love.

So tonight will be full of thanks, worship, good food, laughter, jokes, games and family. I'm going to go pull out my casserole and pray that the Green Bean Soup turns into Grean Been Casserole. Happy Thanksgiving. Let this holiday season be a reminder of our Sovereign God's eternal love. :) God bless!

Honoring Those Who Have Gone On Before...

Thursday was the day I chose to honor my Grandmother and to say my goodbyes to her. I wasn't sure how I was going to do that at first. How do you say goodbye when you are thousands of physical miles from the funeral and most likely will not see the grave for a long while? Those were the questions running through my head. I wrestled with a proper way to say goodbye, that would give me some closure and honor Grandma. Then an idea, I know prompted by the Great Comforter, began to form in my head. I went to Tesco's and bought some grapefruit juice. That was the beginning. It felt incomplete. What else could I do? Flowers. But as I walked the streets of Harlesden, I couldn't find any shops with flowers. I was frustrated and near the point of tears when I noticed ivy climbing up the fence of the house I was passing by. I then remembered the green plants my Grandma had in her home, especially before my Grandpa passed away, out on their front porch. I knew that ivy would be perfect. I picked a branch and took it home with me.

When I went to get a glass for my juice, I discovered one I hadn't noticed before that looked a LOT like the ones my Grandma had in her home. I poured juice, grabbed my ipod and the branch of ivy and headed to the backyard. There in the backyard, I prayed, I toasted my Grandmother, I laid ivy in remembrance of her and I said goodbye, all the while, worship music was playing. I didn't need her body to say a proper farewell, because, she is no longer in her body. She is in a much better place. I love the Grandmother I chose. I will see her again. She will not be forgotten as long as I still live.

Questions in Need of Answers

On my last blog, I had a comment from Anonymous that asked some questions. I'm replying in a blog because they're good questions. :)

The comment was: "It sounds incredibly wonderful and romantic(not in the man/woman way) and historical and interesting that you are actually there. Does it feel that way to you? Do you feel like you are living a dream?" My answer is as follows:

There are definitely days where it feels like that. There are days that I feel as though I'm living on Cloud Nine and oh my! Another wonderful thing happened! However, not every day is like that. God is good to me every day, but being in my DTS is still hard and He's still working hard things into me. It seems like every day, I discover a new thing in myself that needs work and have to submit it to His Master Hands. I have discovered that I am far more selfish and prideful and and and that I ever thought before. However, I have also discovered His amazing goodness and just how MUCH He loves me and then wants me to love myself! There are hard lessons and most of the time, I'm not happy about those lessons, but it's good. There is definitely reality in my daily life, but there are also moments that feel as though I'm dreaming. :)

Today, for an example, was a mix of harsh reality and a dream. I found out that my Grandmother, on my Dad's side, passed away yesterday. I also found out that there's some concern for my Dad and his prostrate. In the same 5 minutes. I definitely struggled this morning, it was not the best morning. But in the midst of a rough morning, I got to experience community at it's best. There were so many offers of help and people doing things for me, but the best part was all the hugs. I got some of the best hugs of my life this morning! And oh, the prayer. That was amazing. The Arts House prayed over me before we left for intercession, then at the other house, they stopped in the middle of debrief to pray for me and my dear friend Amy, who has also recently suffered a loss. As they banded around us and the love was poured forth, I felt the arms of God wrapped around me.

And then, God met me, as though in a dream. I decided to come back to my house after class and on the way, I was really just pouring out my heart to God, with many tears. I'm sure people in Harlesden thought I was crazy. :) I was completely focused on that and walking, not paying a lick of attention to my surroundings, when I "just happened" to look up and there on the fence "just happened" to be a scarf. Let me give you some background: When we were in Montreal, God gave me a scarf... on the street... "randomly". So there's this scarf, on the fence, with absolutely no one around. I stood there for a couple of minutes, watching and then when no one came to claim it, knew that it was a kiss from God and He was sending me comfort. And it occurs to me now... comfort by way of something warm, something to wrap me up in. He's an awesome God. :)

Let me leave you with my favorite memory of Grandma Ramath: When I was about 12, we went to see her and I felt very special, because I got to stay in her guest bedroom all by myself. That visit, she lent me a book to read that I loved. That is also the visit when I learned to love Grapefruit Juice. Before my parents would come in from the motor home in the mornings, she would be preparing breakfast and would give me a glass and we would chat, usually about books we'd read. So in memory of my Grandma, I raise my glass of grapefruit juice (as soon as I go buy some at the Corner store) and say, "See you at Home. I love you."

Adventures in London

On Sunday, Romy and I had to stop by Sainesbury's to get milk and other miscellaneous things for the house. As it was a Sunday afternoon, the store was absolutely crazy! So that took a while.

As we were headed out, I saw what I thought was our bus, so I rushed towards it. Romy asked if I was sure and I said I was pretty sure. Not even thinking to ask the bus driver if the bus was headed the right direction. It wasn't. So we thought we'd eventually get back the other direction and we'd just ride it. We made the most of the time by "window shopping" from the upper level of the Double Decker and having a picnic from the food items we'd bought at the grocery store. THEN! As we'd already spent about 30 minutes on this bus, they kicked us off! At the Palace Gate stop and there we were, in a different part of the city than we had been to before. We were able to get on the bus going the opposite direction and eventually made it home, much later that I'd intended. It was quite the adventure. :)

Moral of the Story: Make sure your bus is going the right direction!

Funtastical Day!

I had such a good day today! I didn't know how the day, or the weekend, was going to go, as half of our team is gone to Sheffield on mini-outreach. However, if today is any indication, the rest of the weekend is going to go super fantastic! Not that I don't miss those who are to the north.

This morning, I woke up to a very quiet house. Normally, people would say I live in the quiet house, but if that's quiet, then this morning was a tomb. Makayla is apart of the group gone to Sheffield, Romy wasn't feeling well and Rebecca's day starts later and ends later than ours. Makayla normally turns on the light at about 7 (though we're usually up at 6:30), so as she was gone and did not turn on the light, I just got ready in the dark. Then I ventured down to the kitchen and ate my breakfast completely by myself. It wasn't until after quiet time that I even saw anyone! Oh my. Work duties were different, since it was only Mats, Nate and I here to clean, but it was still fun. Probably due in large part to the two fun-loving guys that I was working with. It's hard to wake up in a bad mood when one of them generally greets you with a good-natured joke.

Intercession was once again good and the debrief at the other house then turned into another session of worship and prayer. It was so good! Afterward, we prepared for evangelism this afternoon, which meant baking! My mom would be jealous, as we made sugar cookies to give out with promises attached to them. I was thinking of my mom today, definitely!

I'm not sure why I thought it would be a bad idea to take my umbrella with me for evangelism. Quite the opposite, actually. By the time our cookies were all gone, I was pretty drenched, but quite happy about all that had occurred!

For dinner, Erika blessed us by providing the ingredients and then making a nacho bar for us! It was absolutely delicious! I hadn't had nachos in such a long time! Here's a fun fact for you: In the states it's "Sour" Cream, but here in London, it's "Soured" Cream. That brightens my day. :)

After dinner, we all settled in to watch a movie and enjoy some down time. It was so nice! Then after I got home, I discovered that a package from my Mom had arrived for me! I love these SO much! A new signing book, two new scarves, warm gloves, a cuddledud ANNNNND a shirt from my Dad! Oh happy day!

Thank you Jesus for funtastical days!

Feed The Soul

Today, we found out where are the possibilities for our outreach. And a drum roll please... They are: Bulgaria, Serbia, Romania, Spain, pooooossibly Portugal and the best one, Israel! Israel is a little more out there, but my heart longs for Israel. So please invest with me in some serious prayer over this. As much as I long to do an outreach in Israel, my greatest desire is to go wherever God wants me to go. I will say though, when Israel was announced, the room was dead silent, except for my *GASP!* haha. We will be split up into two teams, so that will be interesting. Pray that the teams are divided in the exact way God desires.

In the next couple of weeks, our team, once again split in two, will be doing mini-outreaches. This weekend half of us will head to the north to work in Sheffield. The next weekend, I will head out with the rest of the team to another location. I'm not sure exactly what these mini-outreaches will look like, but I'm so excited!

This afternoon, we had art at the Arts House, which also happens to be my house. I got to write! It was so incredibly good! Then afterward, I stayed home and decided to cook. Several of the others in my house stayed behind and they ate with me. I've got to say, it made my heart so happy to cook for people and then for them to gather around the table and enjoy some food. I loved it so much.

Make Christ known. If Necessary, Use Words.

This paraphrase of St. Francis of Assissi's words has been running through my head quite a lot here. That's kind of what we're doing in our intercession walks. The majority of our DTS are also picking up trash while walking. Those of us from the other house make it our mission to cover them in prayer. But in picking up trash, we are walking in the opposite spirit and making a difference in the community. You can see visible changes. Shopkeepers, who four weeks ago, would not have greeted you, are now greeting you with a smile. They're not only greeting those of us who pick up trash, but also those who are simply walking and praying, even though they don't know we're even connected! I'm so excited about that! This walking in the opposite spirit, making Jesus known through our actions, should extend to our every moment, not just in the moments that are called "Intercession" on the timetable. Jesus, make me walk in the opposite spirit always. Let me show Your light in my face at all times.

Last night, we went to a community prayer and worship meeting. It was so good to see unity in the body! Songs of praise were sung with joyful hearts and earnest prayers were lifted up for London. Then I walked home with Nathan, Ezra, Mats (those 3 being BLS students), Rebecca (on staff with the Arts Ministry) and Christian (the head of the Arts Ministry). It was a long walk and I wore the wrong shoes. In the end, God was so good and my blisters did not return! Though this morning I woke up and my feet felt completely disjointed. Lol. But last night, I remember commenting to Rebecca that I might seriously pray for rain this morning so that my feet could have a rest, because then Joselo (DTS director) would give us a ride. Well, lo and behold, I woke up this morning to a decent rainfall. You might say, "Oh it's London, doesn't it do that all the time?" Let me tell you, in the last 5 weeks, the majority of the days have been gorgeously sunny and not overly cold. Rain this morning was my kiss from heaven. :)

Well, I need to finish my reading for the morning and head out the door. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support!!

Such a Busy Bee!

The past 5 weeks have been so crazy and I feel horrible for not blogging more. To be perfectly honest, I'll sit with a blogpost open for days at a time, but every time I sit down to write, I get overwhelmed with the sheer massive amount of things I want to say.

This past week was plumbline week, in which we dealt with our past and strove for inner healing. Healing and forgiveness really aren't something that happens instantaneously, but the process is well under way.

Our days are jam-packed and every night I fall into bed exhausted, only to start my day at 6:30 again. It's so good for me. :) I'll tell you what has quickly become my favorite part of the day and that is our intercession walks. It never fails that I feel the presence of God each morning and know that our prayers are reaching heaven. It's just a fantastic time. Each day God speaks something new or reveals something we haven't noticed before or encourages us. I feel so blessed to be in this position of constantly receiving from God.

We had our first exam and book report last week. Both felt intense to me. I made them too intense and stressed myself out needlessly, but it was still a good growing moment for me. I made a good grade on my book report too. :) I haven't heard back on my exam yet, but I feel good about what I've learned thus far.

Next weekend we have a mini-outreach to South London. I'm not sure yet what we'll be doing there, but I KNOW it will be exciting and good!

My breathing has improved and I feel better able to keep up. Now I just need to find a pair of shoes that doesn't give me blisters. :)

Hopefully, I'll be better at updating now. Until next time!

Intensity

That is what the past three weeks has been full of... absolute intensity. New revelations from God, letting go of our "stuff" and receiving good gifts from Him. There's been this theme of Him tearing down our old walls, breaking the old pottery, taking apart the old paintings and then restoring them to something far better, far more beautiful, something to bring Him glory. Sometimes I feel like I barely have time to breathe before He begins to work on a new area. Sometimes it is during a lecture or during worship that He works on me, but other times it is in my quiet times or in the walks I take. It's like now that I'm here, He finally has me where He wants me and my heart is open and willing to receive what He has for me. I'm not sure what the difference is, all I know is... I cherish my walks with Him. :)

Last night was a new experience for me. Last year, God spoke through a man who came to our church in Texas, that He was sending me to a new place where He was going to place people in my life to help me with my music and that He would use me in music. I automatically assumed that this new place was Ohio, however, obviously that wasn't the case. Now, I'm convinced that place is here. Last week, we were asked who wanted to be on the worship team and my hand involuntarily went up. Well, I did cause it to go up, but not without some serious fear and trepidation. You see, I've never sung on a worship team before. Ever. My experience with music was 4 months of piano and a stint on 2 choirs, one of them being when I was about 6. Last night was my first night on worship and it was awesome! Not because I did all that particularly well at singing (we're our own worst critic right?), but because God used me in some way and it involved music. I'm excited for my next turn!

We are getting ready to go into the 4th week and we've been told that if we can make it through the 4th week, we'll make it to the end. I'm pretty excited to make it to Saturday! We'll be having what is called a Love Feast. I'm still not exactly certain what it is, but I'm looking forward to the celebration! :)

Well, it's time for me to sign off. Thank you for your continued to support! I appreciate it so much!

I Had A Revelation

Tonight, I was walking home from the base, as my house is about a 25 minute walk from where we eat and have class, I can see a new "trouser" size in my future. :-P Anyway, I was briskly walking home with some of my friends and suddenly just looked up and slowed down. I told my friends to head on without me. I have discovered that I have this tendency to walk so quickly, headed towards my objective, that I completely miss what's happening around me. All I see is the pavement in front of me. I miss the kids playing futball in the park, the way the leaves are rustling in the trees, the cute dog that passes with it's owners and all the life happening. The most important thing I miss, is to really see the people and to keep a steady stream of prayer flowing for the area. I don't want to miss opportunities, so I slow down.

This past week has been really good. Some definite growing moments, which translates to hard moments, but some really amazing moments in God. :) I'm really enjoying my team. These are some really amazing people! I'm growing closer to them daily. My roommates are so wonderful. We have so much fun together. The guys that live in my house make me laugh so much (and we all know how much I love to laugh). The staff is great. The team in general is fantastic! This week, our lecturer was the director of a base in South America and his teaching was so good. It made me think so much and stretched me. We talked a lot about the cross and what Christ did for us and the deceit that we allow into our lives. God is in the process of tearing us down to rebuild something even better. It's so exciting! But at the same time, I'm already exhausted. :)

Please continue to pray for finances. Not all of the team has their funds yet. Please pray for health, as sickness is making the rounds. Especially be praying for me, my cold has left me with difficulty breathing. I'm not sure though that it's strictly the congestion. As a child, I had asthma and some of this feels like an asthma onset, and with the pollution in the air here... Anyway, with as much walking as I'm doing, breathing would be nice! :) And be praying for our hearts to be ready for this next week and all the teaching. I appreciate all your support!

In London

I arrived safe and sound early Friday morning and have quickly been swept up into a whirlwind of activity and conversation and walking. Tonight officially begins our DTS and I'm excited to get going. Though I will admit, I am already tired and the idea of 7am every morning doesn't exactly excite me. :) But it will be a great time of learning and serving! I am so excited!

Today we got to tour London some and see the major sights. I have now seen Big Ben and The Eye and various other things. I even got to see the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace! It's been an amazing day full of adventures. I'll try to keep you regularly updated. Please, the most important thing still is prayer covering. I need a strength and to be well. Following a walk in the rain without an umbrella (I forgot mine at home that night), I developed a bit of a cold. Please be praying that my team and myself would be well and open to what God has to teach us. Thanks guys!

On The Eve of My Departure...

Tonight was perfect. My last meal with my family anyway.... We went to one of my favorite restaurants and I got to have some of my favorite food and enjoy the company of some of my favorite people. It was my going away party, but it was also a celebration of my birthday, since I won't be here for my actual birthday. God is so good and my family is so wonderful. Rocking Anastasia to sleep one last time, receiving kisses from Max, hugs from Ariel and taking pictures with Aurora... it was all so bittersweet. I didn't have to say goodbye tonight to everybody but Aurora, because she will be in school when I head to Detroit for my flight. After I hugged her goodbye and she was walking away, the tears I haven't shed all week just suddenly hit and I couldn't keep a few from escaping. I'm so terribly excited for the journey, but leaving my "family pod" is hard. The joy in the journey, is a choice to be made. I will take joy, even when my heart isn't so eager to say goodbye. Instead, I will say hello to my new family and embrace the calling God has on me. The next time I blog, it will be from London. What a strange thought. So....

HELLO LONDON!!!

The Quest

I’ve been rereading Elisabeth Elliot’s Quest For Love and rediscovered a quote that I love. “…Every freedom can be denied a man except the freedom to choose his attitude, and that suffering is not an obstacle to happiness but often the necessary means to it.” This quote is from Victor Frankl, a man who spent time in a concentration camp. If anybody should know anything about suffering, it is one who has spent time in a concentration camp. May I remember this, especially when time get difficult.

So many changes these days. So many “lasts.” So many sweet moments. :) I’m getting so excited, but a little pre-homesick. The next 6 days are going to be jammed packed and I have a feeling that it’s going to go by in a snap and the next time I look up, I’ll be boarding my airplane.

I have made friends with some of those going to the same DTS and I’m SUPER excited about how amazing everyone is and the heart connections that are going to happen. Continue to pray for raised funs and safe travels. I super appreciate the prayer covering I’m receiving.

On a side note: I want these shoes! Hehe.

The Excitement Beast

Let me tell you, this evening I was tired. My mom and I have this sort of ritual right now that every night that I'm home, we watch an episode or two of one of our favorite shows, or a movie together. It's an unspoken thing, but it's important. Some nights it's just enough we're sitting on the same couch and others I curl up next to her. I'm going to miss my mom.

Tonight, I was really tired and barely stayed awake through dinner (an extremely quick bite) and a 40 minute show. I went to bed late last night, then got an emergency phone call this morning at 7am to come watch a little boy, who was staying home, sick, from school. From the time I got up this morning, to when I got home at 9:30, I was pretty hopping. Why am I not asleep yet, you ask? Well, the only thing I can say to explain it is... The Excitement Beast. Or Christmas Eve Syndrome. I turned out the lights and was starting to drift off when... lo and behold it hit me, again, the excitement of the coming journey. And now I can't sleep. :) It's okay. Perhaps, I will deal with it by working on my mystery dinner party stuff. Yay for birthdays too!

Other than whining about my lack of sleep ;) tonight, I really wanted to get some prayer going. I know that not everybody in my DTS has received notification of their visas. Please, just lift that up would you? It's extremely important. Thanks. :)

Well, I think I'll go type out the next character, then I'm going to try this sleep thing all over again. We'll see how it works out for me. ;)

London Calling

Less than 17 days until I get on the airplane that will take me to London. In some ways, the time has eeked by and in others, it has flown. The last couple of weeks have been spent getting things done, buying things I'll need and getting a support letter out. It's been crazy! The other day Ariel, my five year old niece, was sitting on my lap and she asked me, "Auntie, how much longer til you leave?" I told her 19 days and she said, "Oh good. 19 days is such a long time." Oh the perspective of children. :)

As the time gets closer and as I land in London and hit the ground running, I'll continue to keep you updated. :)

One Last August Blog...

I feel as though August needs one more blog. So here it is as the clock is quickly headed towards September...

Monday I came home from work to a package. The package contained my passport and my British visa in it. As I looked at that visa and verified all the information, it hit home with me. Really hit home. I'm going to London. You know, the city in England? You know, the one across the ocean? Now it's real to me as never before. In 31 days, I will be thousands of miles and across an ocean from my family and friends, setting off on an adventure with strangers, who I'm sure will quickly become my dearest friends, that will take 5 months to complete. We will see God move in our lives and be His hands and feet. We will learn new things and teach each other about life and faith. We will be His church. While I'm sad to leave my family and friends, especially my family, I'm really excited. God's going to do some big stuff. :) Thank you for partnering with me. For choosing to keep up with me, for praying for me and the team as God brings us to mind and if God so lays it on your heart, for partnering financially with me. God's adventure lays before us! :)

Good News at 11pm

This is a quick update as I have to work in the morning. God is continuing to provide. I love seeing this. :) Tonight I found out that my visa application has been officially accepted! Now they'll actually let me in the country! Haha. It's all beginning to set in... In 35 days, I'll be in London. That's absolutely crazy!

I'm still in need financially speaking. I still have to pay for my ticket to London and the money I'll need for laundry and such. God will provide the remaining 1800. :) Continue to be praying for God's provision and preparation, both in my life and that of my team members. :)

God is so good, God is sooo good, God is so good, He's so good, to me!

Sometimes I look at things all wrong. Instead of rejoicing in the goodness of God, I stress out about what might have happened. I have been working all week at getting all the stuff I need together in an envelope to send off my visa application. I was unclear on whether I was supposed to send my actual passport, or just a notarized copy of it, but I almost just sent off the application with the notarized copy. Fortunately, the Holy Spirit prompted us to send off an inquiry. The reply gave me heart palpitations. A copy would not be acceptable. So for a time I was stressing out about having almost sent it off like that, but then, like the loving, firm Father He is, Abba popped me in the head and reminded me that HE had circumvented that, it didn't happen and instead of stressing, I should be rejoicing. So He is good and He saves me from myself, including ulcers. :)

I have decided that when I need a reminder of how much He loves me, I just have to look at the little ones He has blessed my life with. Ariel's smile across the breakfast table, Aurora's shy giggle when I'm teasing her, Max's "I'm a robot, A-O-K" and Anastasia's sweet cooing. All four of these blessings remind me of His unconditional love. I wish you could see Ariel right now, singing at the top of her lungs and dancing for me. God's love is unconditional. :)

Now to work on my support letter.... I need all the prayer covering over this project that I can get. Continue to lift up myself and the other students as we prepare to leave and the time gets even closer. Pray for the base in London and the staff. Exciting news! They now have a 2nd base! God is blessing and growing the ministry!



God bless!

No cup of tea big enough, nor book long enough....

I have lapsed a bit in my updates. Life has picked up speed here and I find myself looking up one day to find that a whole week has gone by unbeknown to myself. Friends are coming and going, working, etc. It's funny how life speeds by, isn't it? It makes me want to take a day, even a few hours to just go enjoy life, not have anything pressing to do, just enjoy it. Let's watch the birds fly, the people pass and the flowers grow together for a little bit.

And now reality sets in. *sigh*

Update on my DTS: Friday night, Mom and I spent a couple of hours on my computer getting the online portion of my visa application filled out. On Friday at 2pm, I have an appointment in Grand Rapids, so that they can get all my "biometric data", such as my fingerprints and a picture of my face. It sounds so high tech. hehe. So please be praying for the whole visa process that all my i's are dotted just so and all my t's are crossed correctly. I'm about to start work on my support letter that should hopefully go out in the next couple of weeks. Please pray that the process for that goes smoothly. Please continue to pray for financial provision, for me as well as for the other students I will soon join. Continue to pray for all the students and the staff as we prepare for this DTS, that our hearts are being readied for what God wants to do. I'm so excited to see His handiwork! I expect to come back changed and having grown in leaps and bounds. :)

Thank you all so much!

Ad Infinitum

Do you ever get words stuck in your head? I don't mean the words to a song, but an actual word, that just repeats itself over and over again? I do. The other day, I had ad infinitum stuck in my head. Now, I had a basic grasp on what it means, but when a word repeats itself over and over in your head, it makes you want to know for sure what it means. So I looked it up. Ad infinitum is a Latin phrase meaning "to infinity." In context, it usually means "continue forever, without limit." So I started thinking about things that are ad infinitum in my life. God's blessings are ad infinitum. His love continues forever and is without limit. As do all His attributes. But I really got to thinking about His love and His blessings and how He provides for us. I didn't really come to a real conclusion. But it was good to dwell on it. :)

Then, the very day after this word was stuck in my head and it caused me to dwell on God's goodness and His provision, He provided yet again! I had my second interview today with boss of the gal I interviewed with last week. At the end, he said, "Well, I gotta tell you... Welcome to GNC." God has provided me with a job! I feel so incredibly blessed! I wasn't sure how all of this was going to come together, but I was trusting (except for those really dark moments, when I'm tired and cranky, haha), and now I see yet more of His provision. I'm continuing to look for His blessings and the way He will provide the remaining funds and I am rejoicing in His already given blessings!

God's provision ad infinitum!

God's Provision is Perfect

Just a quick blog to praise Jesus, because He has provided once more! My laptop was basically a dinosaur and had started it's slow death march. I was rather nervous about taking it to England with me, my concern being that it would go belly up while I was there. But God saw the need and provided! Yesterday, my sister and brother-in-law gave me a brand new computer that had been specially customized to fit my needs!! It's sooooo AMAZING!

World Changers

"...They dragged Jason and soe of the brothers before the city officials, shouting, 'These men who have turned the world upside down have come here too.'" -Acts 17:6b

I read this in my quiet time today and it really hit me. I can't even quite explain all that went through my mind at that moment. I can tell you that the main thought was, "I want to turn the world upside down too!" And now, it occurs to me, it takes discipline to impact the world in that way. It takes determination to live a life that is holy, that is honoring and pleasing to God. My prayer lately has been that my life might be as a sweet incense drifting up to the throne of God. Glory has been the key word in my prayers. I want to glorify God, desperately. But I think, if I can barely stick to a an exercise regime, how ever can I stick to a life of holiness? Only by the grace and strength of God. Daily. His mercies are new every morning. If we will just reach for them. Will we make that simple choice each day?

God blessed me recently in a large amount given to go towards my DTS and the funds that are still needed. It was really exciting to see God do that! I also have an interview Wednesday for a job. God answered my prayers and finally somebody at GNC heard me. Some of you know how frustrating this journey has been. I feel like God is continually prepping me. Remaining mold-able is my job. :)

Thank you all for your continued prayers, both for myself and for the people that I will come in contact before and through this DTS. I am so excited!

Here's a glimpse of YWAM London Notting Hill:


YAY for Followers!

Three Of My Favorite Words

Maximus, my 2 year old nephew, says "I want you" and that just melts my heart. :) Those are three of my favorite words. Right now, he's sitting next to me, in his high chair and telling me "I'm stuck, Auntie." In an effort to charm his way out of eating his last bite, he says, "I want you Auntie, but I'm stuck." Awwww.... No way Buddy, eat it. I'm a mean Auntie, aren't I? hehe.

I just realized that today, if counting from the 4th of this month to the 4th of next month, etc, that it's 4 months exactly until my DTS begins!! I'm so terribly excited. :) The other day, I bought my umbrella for London. It has a bright yellow handle and the umbrella itself is bright pink flowers with yellow middles. I love it. And God provide a good deal, which is the most exciting part. ;)

I'm also celebrating, because today God sent in the first of His provision for my funds! It was completely unexpected and such a blessing! I'm praising Him and I know He will be Jehovah Jireh, my Provider. :)

I also got my first comment on my blog! Excitement ensues!

I really appreciate all the prayers and continue to ask for them, not just for myself but the YWAM base staff and the students I will be meeting and growing with in October. :)

Now, that he's finally "caved", I shall let Max down from his highchair and possibly "make" him snuggle with me. Kisses here I come!

Little Boys and Little Girls, Kisses, Swings and Sunshine

I have decided that I absolutely abhor denominations. Not as in money of course, but as in the "modern" church. It bothers me to no end how we, as humans, have divided up the body of Christ. And half the time, it's over very silly issues. I've heard tell of a church that split over the question of whether Adam had a belly button. Now... that's not a denomination and I'm sure no denomination has formed over such a silly issue, but the problem still remains: dividing the body of Christ. Let me ask you this: We have an enemy and how effective our warfare truly is when we are split and often times, bickering among ourselves? This is why I hate denominations. I hate that when asked what their "religion" is, today's youth, young adults and even older Christians, identify themselves as whatever the denomination they attend. "I'm Assemblies of God." Or "I'm Baptist." Or "I'm Apostolic." Or "I'm Pentecostal." Or "I'm Methodist." NO! We are Believers in Christ! I hate how some will not associate with other denominations simply because of some silly thing or another. Or how some denominations are looked down on by another. Or even in the same denominations, some churches are separated from the others. Don't get me wrong, I am all about rightly handling the Word of Truth, but some of these things we divide ourselves over are really NOT so important that we should segregate! Anyway, don't mind my little tirade. I've been contemplating this for a while now. :)

I found out yesterday that I have officially been accepted to the DTS in London at Notting Hill! I am absolutely ecstatic! I will leave in the beginning of October and be gone for at least 5 months. 5 months of amazing training and ministry! God is pretty amazing. :) My summer shall be full of sweet visits with dear friends and then the fall... :) My next year is shaping up to be pretty full. :) I will keep you updated on my DTS and etc. Be praying for the needed funds to come in. God has provided for the school fees through a fund my Grandfather set up for me before he died, but I have to raise/save money for my plane ticket, money for basics like extra toiletries, coffee and tea ('cause these are NECESSARY! hehe) and "etc" items. Also, I am in need of a new laptop (as mine has literally died 5 or 6 times in the last 9 months, to the point of my having to reformat the drive) and a new camera (no matter how good the batteries, they only last one time of turning it on). Thanks for praying with me! :)

I think I am going to finally take this blog public. I feel that it's time and this will be a good way to record updates on how God is providing for and during my DTS.

“I'll never give up until the journey is through.... believing in time that the road will lead to You.” -Anonymous

I keep intending on this blog being at least a weekly thing, but it appears that it's more of a monthly thing. I apologize. Even as I know, absolutely nobody reads this. :)

The past month has been so cleansing for me, and it has been a time of healing in a myriad of areas. The Morgan area, obviously is an area where I've done a lot of healing. Yesterday in fact, I did a good amount of cleansing. I cleared out my old blog of posts that centered around him, which was quite a lot. You know that old song from the Rogers and Hammerstein movie, "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair." Yesterday, I not only washed him out of my hair, I cut that man out of my hair. :) In recent months, he'd become more outspoken on what I did with my hair and because I loved him, I molded my life to that and because I wanted to have hair long enough for a wedding "do", I'd let it grow out. So yesterday, I chopped a long portion off and now it's rather short. It's something I've wanted to do for a while and I just took the opportunity. I like my new hair and am intending on doing a new color. It may not seem like a big thing to you, but it's a rather big thing to me. It's those "little" insignificant steps that lead to healing. God even cares about the number and length of my hair. :-P

My relationship with my sister is really doing well and I'm enjoying being myself around her.

Not too long ago, I had wondered, since it has been so long since I've had friends in person, if I even would remember how to be a friend in person. I've got this long distance thing down pretty well, but actually talking to someone?? Well, I've made friends, and in the last week, I've gone out three times! :) I've had some good times of laughing and some good times of discussion, spurring each other on into excellence in Christ. God has given me so many kisses in the past week, reassuring me of His love. *Sigh* I am so madly in love with my Jesus and sometimes I just need to recount that publicly. Fall in love with Jesus. It's the best choice you'll ever make.

Well, my coffee is done and I hear a book calling my name, so I am going to sign off and go find that book. Love you Friend, wherever you may be. :)

Life Marches On

I am about to head out to ship off my application for a DTS in September. A DTS is a Discipleship Training School with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). The particular DTS I am applying for is in London. I'm super excited about it! The whole applying has been something of an ordeal for me with moving and all my stuff being in boxes. But it will all be worth it. :)

I'll leave you with one of my favorite poems. :)

"Hope" is the thing with feathers—
That perches in the soul—
And sings the tune without the words—
And never stops—at all—

And sweetest—in the Gale—is heard—
And sore must be the storm—
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm—

I've heard it in the chillest land—
And on the strangest Sea—
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb—of Me.
-Emily Dickison

Long Time

It's been a while since I've blogged. Lots has happened, people have left my life and and new life has been born into my life.

Anastasia Mattea, which means Resurrection, God's Gift was born on March 19th to a family that could not possibly love her more. She is absolutely precious and completely sweet. Babies are wonderful, especially my nieces and my nephew. :)

Just a quick note on my relationship. Essentially God said no. He said that this was not the relationship that would lead to marriage and that He has someone else for each of us. So we ended it. It has been hard road, but God is incredibly faithful. He has been my hope and been my More-Than-Enough. He has become my Eternal Lover more than before. He loves me and as much as I knew that before, I know it ever so much more now. :)

Gotta go. It's my turn to hold my Stasia girl. :)

Late Night Thoughts

How come in our society, it is wrong to train dogs to fight against each other, but yet a large number of Americans enjoy watching wrestling, which can be nearly or even more graphic than a dog fight? This is just one of those questions that's been running around in my head.

I'm so thankful that I've been taught how to think for myself, not only how to think, but how to think big thoughts! The past couple of days have really just made me realize what a gift it is to be able to think. Thursday night, I was on a high of caffeine/extreme happiness (more on that later, I'm sure), so I decided to troll my facebook groups and their discussion boards. I found a topic I wanted to discuss and jumped right in. For the next 3 hours (I was up until 4am!), I did my level best to defend a baby's right to life in the womb. I think God gave me some good arguments. :) Especially since I was confronted with one or two arguments for a woman's choice that I hadn't heard before. It was exciting to me! However, I didn't get to finish the discussion until tonight, because of two extremely busy days. Tonight I laid out my final argument and I'm on somewhat of a high. There's a verse that speaks of always having a ready reply to give to those who attack our faith (Col 4:6 or 1 Peter 3:15), and I feel like tonight, I have done everything I can to be obedient to that verse. Thank the Lord for good resources and Summit Ministries for giving me the ability to think and to defend the faith.

Lesson Learned

I had a very strange experience the other day. Now, you have to understand, that I'm naturally a very bubbly, energetic person. I have my thoughtful and reflective times. I have times where I'm quiet. And I sometimes do get sad. But generally, I'm bubbly and chocked full of energy. All right, now you have the background needed for this story. Monday I had an interview at a to be un-named restaurant. It was an open interview, meaning that I wasn't the only applicant there. When I got there (five minutes early, I might add!), there were three people already there. I checked in, then waited around for probably 10 to 20 minutes. I had walked into the building feeling good, but by the end of my wait, the nerves had somewhat set in. How I hate nerves! So the manager sits down and we get two minutes into my interview, when he has to get up and go into the back for something. So I wait patiently. He comes back and we talk for maybe another three minutes. So a total of a five minute interview. At the end of this, he looks at me, extends his hand and says, "I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone with more energy that you have." I was literally in shock. I shook his hand, mumbled something that sounded like "Thank you" and left. After I got over the disappointment, I had quite the laugh. As one person commented, upon hearing my story, "They must have been looking for a hummingbird."

So the lesson in this story is: Drink a Monster before interview!

Breaking News

I have had this page open on my browser for about three days now. I have been meaning to write a new blog for probably about a week. I am such a horrible procrastinator.

I fear this blog is not turning out to be what I hoped I would make it. Instead , I fear it's become my weekly whining. I intend to change that! I still wish it to be brilliant and witty, but I shall settle for smart and unintentionally humorous. :)

Today, upon opening my Windows Live Messenger, I went to the Windows Live pop-up that accompanies it. For those of you who don't use Windows Live, it just carries general news headlines as well as links to current happenings in the world. And what should happen to be one of the top stories? Not the top story, mind you, but definitely one of the top stories. Apparently, our First Lady, Michelle Obama, has gone and gotten a new hair style! *Gasp* Everybody stop what you're doing! So out of curiosity, I clicked on the link. To my surprise, her hair is not purple, nor is in a mohawk as I would think the importance of it's placement in the headlines, would suggest. Instead, it appears to me that it is about the same style, just shorter. I found it incredibly funny, but also really sad. Today, when the world should all have their eyes on Haiti and the tragedies there, not to mention the many things going on in the political and law enforcement fronts of our nation, we're more concerned about Michelle Obama's hair. Sad day indeed when we so idolize the sitting president that his wife's hair style is one of our top concerns.

My prayers go out to those in Haiti and those helping Haiti, as well as our nation's protectors.